This is really the saddest thing, because DNF could have brought back over-the-top, mass-insanity multiplayer as a viable alternative to the regimented stuff we have so much of today, but instead, all it brings is tears.
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And since we need to get back to the game itself, let's talk about how effed the multiplayer is. But, again, this stuff is all outside the scope of the game itself. and for those of us who enjoy little inside jokes, it's great. The game references everything from Internet memes, to Aqua Teen Hunger Force, to awesome films. If you're into Internet culture or pop culture in general, well, DNF's designers are as well. That's unacceptable, even with the very droll interstitial advice comments you're shown while the game loads ("Take less damage to avoid being killed" was my favorite).ĭNF does have some fun moments. On the console versions, at least, you're looking at around a 40-second load screen every time you change or reload a level. And while we're on the subject of loading: DNF's load times are a major issue. Go down a hallway, fight some guys, solve a puzzle, fight some guys, load the next map. A few of these are quite fun - especially a midgame sequence where Duke has to alternate between driving a monster truck and getting out to kick ass and get gas - but many are formulaic.
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That ain't Duke.Īlso, the level design eschews the exploratory roundabouts of yesteryear for a series of very conventional, linear, and frankly boring maps. This means boss fights are more about staying tethered properly to an ammo crate, rather than undertaking any actual running and gunning. Exacerbating this problem, bosses can only be harmed by explosive weapons, all of which have ridiculously low ammo capacities.
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Instead, Duke has a life bar (called "Ego") that recharges when you don't get hit, requiring you to constantly duck behind cover and run like a bitch from aliens in all but the smallest firefights. Gone, too, are the health/armor meters of Duke 3D. Yes, that's right: You can only pistol-whip or barrel-bash, as Duke's famous "mighty boot" has been removed. Sure, he has plenty of snappy one-liners, but now he can only carry two weapons at a time, none of which is particularly interesting or innovative - and all of which require you to constantly run back to ammo containers to ensure you're not reduced to pistol-whipping enemies. But somewhere during DNF's 14-year development cycle, either Gearbox, or original developer 3D Realms, or one of the several other developers that worked on DNF lost just about everything about Duke 3D that made it a fun game.įirst and foremost, Gearbox has committed a cardinal sin by turning Duke into a pansy. Like DNF developer Gearbox's President Randy Pitchford and so many other gamers, I love DNF's predecessor, Duke Nukem 3D, as much as any shooter I've ever played. It's "sad to say" because I wanted this game to be great. What really matters isn't whether the game lets you smack virtual women in the boobs or punch giant aliens in the junk, what matters is if the game is fun while doing that stuff and everything else in between it.
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Much like another game that took a lot of flak for being offensive - the absolutely brilliant Bulletstorm - the humor, storyline, characterization, one-liners, and all that jazz are more or less irrelevant in DNF. It contains jokes and situations that some people will find offensive. For example, it will doubtless be subject to the same kind of disgrace as another 3D Realms title, Shadow Warrior, was many years ago. Understand this: When it comes to matters of taste, the simple fact is that "inappropriate" doesn't exist.ĭuke Nukem Forever is sure to draw comparisons to other first-person shooters, mostly because it has so little in common with any of the ones we think of as canonical today. You may have an opinion as to whether or not these things are funny, or cool, or entertaining, and that's all legitimate - but what isn't legitimate is trying to take Duke Nukem Forever to task for doing things you find inappropriate.
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The game has you grab a piece of poop out of a locker room toilet and hurl it at someone, possibly for comedic effect, possibly because the game's writers are into scatology. It objectifies women, possibly for comedic effect, possibly because it allows the game to have more boobs in it. Let's get one thing straight: Duke Nukem Forever has a lot of ribald, off-color, politically incorrect, and flat-out gross moments in it.